Diamond in the Rough

Back in my restaurant days —

Our general manager, Steve, was the beating heart of the Rocking Horse Cafe. He absolutely loved “his” Chelsea restaurant—the food, our employees, and, of course, our customers. Steve had a strong work ethic and took great pride in the work we did together. But, he was a stereotypical “true New Yorker.” Scrappy, edgy, and kind of defensive. Steve definitely had a soft side, but it was buried beneath a tough exterior. And, he had a “way with words.” Sometimes, in moments of stress (and the restaurant business is stressful!), those choice words were directed in off-putting ways at staff, guests—even children.

There were difficult moments, but I loved working with Steve, especially on marketing programs. He was talented, engaging, and smart. As his boss (meaning: coach), I saw his potential and knew that he was a diamond in the rough. The goal for him was to recognize the power in his softer side and embrace it. I had to teach him, through example, how to present that side to others and trust that they would respond to him in better ways. 

Steve believed that if he let his guard down, the staff and guests would consider him a weak general manager and take advantage of him. Furthermore, he felt that negative feedback from customers was personal, some kind of attack on him. He sometimes felt the same way about my feedback on his development as a leader. In order to succeed, Steve had to learn how to perceive these situations differently—to change his beliefs around them. 

In our one-to-one meetings, we explored the automatic assumptions that Steve was making, and the deeply embedded beliefs underlying them. Eventually, he understood that he would be more loved and valued as a leader, if he led the team with more compassion and implementation of systems. He could guide our staff and teach them to achieve established service standards by thoughtfully inspecting their work and giving honest, verbal feedback and/or documented reviews, rather than relying on (or hiding behind) his tough New York exterior to do the job for him.

~ Roe Di Bona